Spiritual awakening and the path of enlightenment can feel amazing at times. At other times, it can be painful. It is not often spoken about in spiritual circles at just how difficult awakening is. We may originally start meditation with good intentions, such as wanting to become enlightened or to experience relief from psychological conditions such as depression and anxiety. However one can quickly lose any spiritual insights gained. Blissful experiences can quickly disappear as you return to ordinary consciousness.
Contrary to popular belief, the purpose of meditation is not to become enlightened or to change any inner experience. Rather, it is to be at home with your inner experience as it is, without any attempt to modify, change, heal or transform it.
Meditation calls for radical self compassion, where you allow yourself to be as you are - with all of your wounding, dysfunction and inadequacies. This is because there is nothing wrong with any appearance, they are all welcome. Your deepest pain and darkest wounding is not a mistake. You are not a disfunction that you must try to get rid of.
As you relax into mediation with no technique and no escape, unprocessed feelings, emotions, memories and energy will naturally come to the surface. This is because our body holds an enormous amount of material and energy until we are ready to deal with it. This is why it can feel so dark and painful during meditation. It is not that something is wrong with you, rather that your body is going through a profound release. Left to unfold on its own, healing and insight will naturally arise.
Rest gently, go slow and be very kind to yourself. Meditation is not an achievement - there is no place to go. All experiences - both negative and positive - are naturally enlightened.
Daniel Solodky is a nondual, transpersonal and Buddhist Psychotherapist providing online therapy over secure video. Book Daniel at: https://calendly.com/danielsolodky